Me & My Health #3 (+Coming In December)

I wanted to update everyone of my health and the appointments I have had.

13th August 2018 - GP Appointment: I hadn't had an appointment with the doctors or at the hospital for a while and I know that for some people that would sound good but when you still have pounding headaches and the worst period pains plus really long and heavy periods I still wanted answers so I pre-booked an appointment to see my GP. My GP told me that on the MRI there was a note put that there is a cyst on my pituitary gland, the notes should have been sent via letter from the hospital to the doctors back in April but never was, if I didn't go see my doctor and if he didn't search the system I would have never known about this. My GP has sent an urgent letter to the Endocrinology department to rush me an appointment to discuss this and seek treatment if required. My mum works in a doctors surgery and she said that appointment should be within four to six weeks. The GP told me that this could be the answer to everything, the headaches and the period problems.

14th August 2018: I think my emotions got the better of me today, last night I was Googling about cysts on the pituitary gland and the sort of treatments which include an operation similar to the Cushing's operation, I started panicking. My laptop which is a MacBook Air went black and wouldn't turn on, I charged it over night and in the morning a screen with a folder and question mark came up. I managed to get an appointment with Apple Genius and the guy was friendly but told me repairs would cost a lot. I need my laptop but just couldn't figure out what to do, my brain was spinning, I couldn't think. When I got home I just couldn't control the sobs, I have become really emotional.

3rd September 2018: I am writing this bit exactly at 00:01, I cant sleep, I have a headache and I just can’t stop thinking about this bleed on a cyst in my brain. My mum is a receptionist in a doctors surgery and told me a few days ago that I should chase the doctors regards the appointment at the hospital as I haven’t had a letter yet. I know my mum is worried about me and I appreciate her advice but I have been having these nightmares where I go to the hospital and have the operation, it goes well but I’m in hospital for a few day which is expected, just as I’m about to be discharged I sneeze and I’m back in surgery, I come round from the surgery and I can’t move or talk. I’ve not had a nightmare for years, I can tell you the last time I had a nightmare 25th June 2009 (you may think that’s odd that I remember that but there is a story behind it). I bet I’ve had nightmares but I just don’t remember. Anyway with me chasing the appointment it is a step closer to the nightmare possibly happening.

8th September 2018: I don't know if I have ever mentioned that I struggle to get rid of colds so thought I would document when I first start getting the Winter cold to see how long it takes to get rid of the symptoms so today I woke up with a blocked up nose but yet a runny one, my throat feels like I am swallowing razor blades and have a tickling cough.

4th October 2018: I feel like just crying. I had a doctors appointment to ask if I can go back on the Depo injection and my doctor said I can’t because I’m in category two, can’t remember what all of the categories are but if you tick a few boxes you can’t have it so the boxes I tick are: migraines and history of breast cancer in the family so that peed me off to be honest. Apparently I could have it but I’m at high risk of getting breast cancer through the medication or something. Then he asked about my migraines and I told him no change still occur often and I have now got a twitch in my left eye. He looked at my records and asked if I had heard from the hospital and in his words he said “I’m cheesed off,” he is now chasing the hospital because I should have been seen so he said he should hear from them soon. Today I feel sh**, I’m on my period, it’s painful, it’s heavy and I’m bloated EVERYWHERE! To top it all off my laptop broke whilst I was in the middle of an important task that is being launched on 5th November so I need to fork out a load of money that could be spent on the project but no of course not.

5th October 2018: I didn’t sleep very well last night, I managed to cry myself to sleep and now this morning I feel pathetic. I shouldn’t be crying, I still have my life. Sadly a boy that goes to school with my brother passed away the other night, he was in his first year of Sixth form, he was doing his homework and parents went up to see him only to find him collapsed on the floor and rushed him to hospital where he died of a brain bleed. I am lucky so I need to get out of this mood. Today I got a phone call from the receptionist at my doctor surgery but GP and asked her to ring me to just informed me that he had got in contact with the hospital and they were supposed to have been a conference call between my GP and the hospital back in August but the hospital cancelled it we don’t know why but the dead there will be a another conference call on the 25th I think it is of October so once but he’s got a bit more information he got a pass that on to me and will go from there.

23rd October 2018: I think I need to seek help, there is so much going on in my life at the moment some good, some bad and I’m not sleeping so I’m exhausted. I’m crying a lot and I try and do it in privacy so nobody knows but I think maybe there is some form of depression in me and I’m too scared to say. I’ve just done a nine day shift rota thing, normally you work five days a week at the company and two days off but not for me this week, my two days off ending up me covering for other people and it’s not appreciate and it’s draining knowing that I’m only there for the pay and that isn’t even great, minimum wage and no pay and half for bank holidays, I know there is no career ladder to climb there so it’s winding me up. There are some personal issues that are keeping me up or taunting me in my sleep and I won’t go into this but that’s bothering me. I’m launching my business and the manufacturers are terrible at responding to me so that’s stressing me out because in 13 days I’m supposed to be launching and I don’t even have product pictures. I’ve had this cough for ages and it just won’t budge, my nose is blocked so I can’t breath and I don’t mean to do it but when I’m eating I’m slightly heavy breathing which pi**es my brother George off so he snaps at me. I have been Googling about the cyst on my brain and that’s worrying me (I know I shouldn’t Google). I don’t know whether it’s just hormones or lack of sleep but I just think if I don’t wake up tomorrow morning then...I’m not bothered. That’s bad isn’t it, I feel bad because Nick would have wanted to live but cancer took him, Miss Hunter would have wanted to live but illness took her and here I am not bothered. The reason I write it on here is because I have nobody to tell this too, I don’t want people to feel sorry for me but I don’t put my problems onto people (I try not to), I don’t want to waste peoples time. I walk around most of the time to people with a smile on my face (on my resting bit** face) but it’s all a front because inside I’m crying.

25th October 2018: I am still alive, I will get into these moods and I feel like I will never get out of them, I have been so stressed out and my day job doesn't help. I booked time off as holiday and then rescheduled it to help one site out and then rescheduled to help another site out and now that I am on my holiday I have been asked by the boss to come on my last day of holiday and go to the site I hate the most and help out at a Halloween event. I need to learn how to say 'No!'

6th November 2018: I should be really happy, yesterday I launched my dream business but the happiness was ruined by my other job not paying correctly. Today I’ve been trying to sort it out as well as give moral support to another member of staff and it just isn’t going right. I’ve worked my butt off for what?

17th November 2018: I’ve had another down day today and I’ve cried a lot. I seem to be in a situation that I was in a few years ago, here I am trying to prove myself and work hard, put myself out so I can help the company and the boss I work for and there is no appreciation. There is a list of things that have really upset me today, one being work and finances (due to work) and then there is my health, I’ve had a stinking headache all day and even though at work I had a laugh with the girls it was just not as enjoyable because of this headache. My dad told me that him and my mum noticed that the last week or so I’ve been down and the word depression was mentioned, I burst into tears and explained how I was feeling, I’m exhausted, I keep waking up and sitting up, swinging my legs out of bed, I can’t stop it or help it, I wake up in the morning and feel like I’ve not slept. Dad asks why that’s happening and I don’t know but I don’t want to tell my doctor because I feel like even though he is a great guy and helped me out a lot it’s that thing will he believe me or is it just something I’m moaning about. I’ve got so much on my list of health issues that it’s another thing for him to investigate. I’ve noticed my memory has been getting worse and especially with names, if Halle or Kyla ever read this I’m sorry, today I kept getting their names muddled up, bare in mind these two don’t look anything a like and I see Halle more often than Kyla but I kept getting them missed up. It’s weird because I get their names missed up and yet I can tell Iona and Isla apparent (mum’s friend’s identical 6 month old twins who I barely see). I have a week off so I can relax but also focus on Maude & Noah (the business I launched on 5th November).

20th November 2018: I have been working all day on Maude & Noah, today's mood has been more positive and I only wish I could have a few more days like this.

23rd November 2018: I started my period two day prior which is a week early. Today I have bled so much, I got out of my PJs and had leaked in the night, got showered and dressed and within three hours had leaked again, I don't understand what's happening because I normally suffer with heavy periods but this is out of control, I went through four really thick sanitary towels before my second outfit change. I attended my first event with Maude & Noah and felt so uncomfortable throughout and felt like I was constantly weeing but I wasn't, I was bleeding. On my way home I had leaked again and this time it was a lot. Today from waking up to going to bed I have worn 16 sanitary towels. To top this all off I barely have any clothes and the tumble dryer has broke plus my usual jeans aren't fitting me right now, my stomach is bloated as well as my legs.

Coming In December

I have been thinking about December and my blog, people on YouTube do Vlogmas, people do 12 days of Christmas. I have decided to do Blogmas2018 so every day in December leading up to Christmas there will be a blog post so I have a lot of work ahead but I am looking forward to it. I hope you like the posts and if you have any suggestions then comment below or message me on Instagram.