Me & My Health #2

My mum tagged me in a Facebook post that she has reposted called 50 Things Only People With an Underactive Thyroid Tend to Understand by Rachel Hill so I thought why not read it and explain whether I have those symptoms or things so people can understand me more and realise why I am the way I am.

1. Always being cold: I went through a period of my life where I was wrapped up in my Leicester Tigers blanket in the middle of summer but what I generally feel is hot, I overheat all the time which causes me to panic because I feel like I may overheat and faint. Recently I couldn't get my hands on my meds, late input of prescription as well as a bank holiday and weekend I noticed that I was getting cold so when I'm not on my meds I am cold, when I am, I am hot.

2. The scariness of your hair falling out: my hair is thick but I seem to lose a lot of hair, I have to clear out my hair brush every time I brush my hair, I mainly wear it up because my clothing would be covered in the fallen out hair. I never wash my hair in the bath because my body would be covered in it, I don't just lose strands of hair but clumps, I have this fear that one day I will wake up to all my hair falling out.

3. Gaining weight: I won't say I am the healthiest, I don't go to the gym or do any exercise which is another reason but I work weekends in a café and also the odd event every month which means I am on my feet all day, walking around, lifting things and rushing around so I am quite active in that way. I have gained a lot of weight and when I look at pictures from a few years ago I can see the weight gain on my face in a scary way.

4. Being unable to lose weight: I tried various diets like the 1,200 calories and walking 10,000 steps and I would lose a pound but gain it back straight the way and some.

5. Getting a decent amount of sleep but still waking up more tired than the night before: I don't sleep very well, I wake up multiple times in the night as well as struggle to fall asleep, I am constantly tired.

6. Brittle hair and nails: my hair and nails grow back really quickly but my nails in particular can get quite brittle.

7. Even the simplest of questions are nearly impossible to answer: my head is quite foggy sometimes, I used to be able to take a large drinks order when I worked in a restaurant without writing it down, make the drinks and hand them out and remember all of that to put it into the till but now my dad could give me a dimension for a sign and would mix up the numbers. I can't remember what I had for dinner the night before, I can get quite confused.

8. Sometimes you thyroid brain fog makes you do silly things: I binned my new packet of thyroid medication instead of the empty packet before, I have burst into laughter before and been uncontrollable and when I realise what I am laughing at I realise how ridiculous it is or was to laugh at.

9. Nothing helping your dry and tight-felling skin: I have suffered from eczema since a very young age, my scalp is dry and I do suffer from dry skin and I regularly use face masks and moisturisers.

10. Doctors not being as helpful as we'd hope at times: I have only just been diagnosed with underactive thyroids and it took me moving home and moving doctors for a doctor to finally diagnose me and take me seriously.

11. Friends, family and co-workers thinking we're lazy: I do get really low and slow in reactions and bits but I am lazy however before puberty I was so active and maybe it was then when I should have been diagnosed with it.

12. Your body feels like you have the worst flu ever: as a child I never really got ill but now wherever there was a cold or flu I seen to get it, I remember having a cold (cough and runny nosy) from October to March and couldn't get rid of it. My muscles and joints hurt quite a bit and feel stiff and dull.

13. Having a croaky voice: not really.

14. Mental illnesses and other conditions such as depression, anxiety and insomnia: I have panic attacks which could be caused by small things like not finding any clothes in the ironing pile but I will always remember having the worst panic attack because I have held my feelings back and let them bubble up and something made me snap and I had a panic attack and was sobbing and could catch my breath. I also had a panic attack because I was told I had to go to London on the train by myself for work (aged about 20) and that caused me to have a panic attack because I have never travelled on my own anywhere really so going into such a large place and having to work by myself without my dad (at this point I was working for my dad and he was always there with me and I was kind of in the background but this was on my own). I like to be organised and if I am not I have a panic attack. I have felt down before, I could never be a person who is depressed and stays in bed all day because I live with my parents and they won't let me, I would be told to get up out of bed and if I didn't I would have the dreaded Pot Noodle horn blown or a cup of water over me but I think if I was living on my own there have been some occasions where I could have been depressed. I will be honest there has been a period of times where I would go for a shower just so I could cry and the sound of the water would hide my sobs. People might read that and think I am or was depressed but I haven't labeled myself as that.

15. Your menstrual cycle being irregular...sometimes a lot more heavy and painful: YES! YES! YES! My period was explained in the previous Me & My Health blog post but if you didn't read it I have heavy and painful periods.

16. Learning that thyroid medication is needed for life: when I first started taking the medication I rarely took them just for the fact that I would forget to and I tried putting my medication on my bedside table to remember to take it but I still forgot to take them, I then put a colour sticker on the bottom of every tablet popper thing (the thing you push to get the tablet out) and there would be a colour for each day and there was still meds left but now I am taking them every day and it is only because I write a diary entry every day with my thoughts and feelings as well as what I eat and I would put a bit in the diary that says "TABLET TAKEN: TEXT" and I would fill it out YES and take it. I haven't missed it since. The reason I write a diary is for me, when I started back in 2017 I wanted to vent, sometimes I hold back and keep my feelings inside and let them bubble up and it’s not healthy so I thought instead of doing that or even telling anyone I would write it down in my diary, I also wanted to keep a note of all the food I have eaten in case I go to the doctors and they tell me to do a food diary for the week I can say I already have that and we can move on to the next step. I also love reading last years diary.

17. That just because we're on thyroid medication, it doesn't mean we feel better: I had this thing in my head that no sooner I take the medication that I would feel normal or better but I still don't.

18. You often have no appetite: I can be hungry and Mum or Dad would ask me what I fancy for lunch or dinner and there is nothing I fancy, I can eat foods now and it tastes of nothing like when you have a cold and your taste buds don't work. Most days I will ask what is for dinner and Mum will tell me and I just don't fancy eating that dish, I have noticed I don't seem to finish Sunday Roasts anymore because after a few mouthfuls I lose my appetite.

19. Being tired is much more than anyone else understands: not only do I feel tired but lethargic like I have no energy to even move. I hate it when people see me and they make the stupid comment of “you’re young, when I was your age I was (insert any active you want: dancing, clubbing, running...). Well sorry but I’m not like you, I’m tired.

20. You love your bed: I definitely love my bed except it isn't comfortable but I would rather have an early night and a late morning than going out just because I am exhausted.

21. Your life tends to revolve around sleep and energy levels: if I had it my way then yes but when I have to work, I work and get over how I feel, I have become slightly numb to everything.

22. People tell you "you just need to get enough sleep" or "you just need to eat healthy", in a bid to help you: what I need is people to stop giving me these stupid comments, if you have the same condition as me then give me advice but otherwise leave me alone, I haven't slept well for years so of course sleep would help but I can't sleep.

23. You have to cancel on plans with friends: nope, I have canceled twice or so because of working but otherwise I stick to my plans, I had my loop recorder fitted and went to my good friend Caitlin's 21st birthday celebration because I can't miss out on things because of this illness.

24. When you're one of the thyroid patients who also have Hashimoto's: I don't know what Hashimoto's so I don't think I have it.

25. When changing to regular clothes from your PJs means you're having a good day: if I am working from home I will stay in my PJs for comfort but I know a lot of people who don't have my condition that wear there PJs no sooner they come home.

26. You've met doctors who won't help you: list goes on and on with the amount of doctors I have seen.

27. The frustration when thyroid charities are so unknown: I don't know of any, I didn't know about thyroids until I was diagnosed.

28. It hurts when no one understands: I don't care what people think, if they want to give me terrible advice and judge me then so be it, it is when my family and close friends judge me and don't understand.

29. Housework is daunting: housework has always been daunting but now my small bedroom takes me ages to clean and I take regular breaks.

30. We have to learn to examine our necks for goiters: WHAT! I don't do that.

31. Having hypothyroidism makes us more prone to other autoimmune conditions: I have been getting ill quite a lot and it all started when I hit puberty, every year I would get the Winter cold and it would last all of Autumn, Winter and some of Spring.

32. We rattle because we have to take so many pills: I have always said if you shake me I would rattle, if I am told to take tablets for example when I was told I was anaemic I told my doctor I would prefer to do it the natural way before resulting to tablets. I always ask my doctor before taking them if I can live without them but my thyroid meds I have to.

33. We have a large collection of thyroid books: nope, I just Google and research that way.

34. Some of our closest friends are those from online thyroid forums: nope, I am not part of any.

35. Hypothyroidism can occurring men too: I don't know anybody else with hypothyroidism.

36. Doctors tend to send us away with a prescription without telling us much about the actual condition: my old GP surgery used to whereas now my doctor is really useful and likes to see how I am and ask me questions about other things to make sure I am okay.

37. Trying to run a family and maintain a social life, as well as work and complete day-to-day tasks is nigh on impossible: I don't really have much of a social life, me and my friends only go out when everyone is back for Christmas and the Summer otherwise I just go out for coffee but when I want to socialise I will, I would rather sit in a coffee shop or cocktail bar talking to my friends instead of nightclubbing.

38. We just want people to listen and try to understand what we go through: that is why I am writing this blog post so people can try to understand.

39. Putting on loads of layers often results in us still feeling cold: When I was first diagnosed I was actually suffering with the temperature, I was laying on the sofa watching a movie with my fleece Leicester Tigers blanket on whilst Mum was in the same room with the patio doors open because she was hot. Now normally I have my bedroom windows throughout Winter because I have to have a freezing cold bedroom so that I can snuggle up and sleep. In April we had a few "hot" days, I only felt warm on one day otherwise I was working in a long black sleeve t-shirt and black jeans. It is weird because I hate having the heating on because I hate being hot but yet when it has been hot recently I haven't felt it so I don't know (long answer or what?).

40. Someone asking how we’re doing often means the world to us: of course, for years people didn't believe in me and made me feel like nobody cared but now when people ask how I am doing it feels good but it depends who asks and their intentions.

41. No amount of make up hides the bags under our eyes: or the dark circles, I constantly look tired but it is worse if I don't wear makeup because I look really ill without it.

42. It’s not our fault we have hypothyroidism: of course, my brother has given my condition another name Fat-a-litis which I know is a joke but I have been asked did I get it because I am fat. NO! I didn't, I couldn't prevent it.

43. Keeping up a job is sometimes very difficult: no, I can't not get out of work or thing, I just soldier along.

44. We worry about passing the condition on to our children: no, I have other potential conditions that I am being looked into that might prevent me from having children so I haven't worried about this condition being passed on.

45. A “lazy day” is our idea of heaven: a lazy day would be good but even my lazy days aren't normal lazy days that other people have, I have jobs and bits around the house to do for my parents. For example sometime with me feeling so low in energy when Mum calls us to collect our washing from wherever she is organising it I go get it and then half an hour for her to call again it can feel really frustrating and irritating and I know I am lucky to get my washing done by my mum although all she does is wash and dry I iron my clothes but it still irritates the crap out of me for having to run up and down the stair.

46. We tend to forget what “normal” feels like: I don't know what normal is.

47. We’re prone to vitamin deficiencies such as iron, vitamin B and D: yep.

48. Sometimes we just need to rant about the the frustration of having the condition: this is going to be a long answer, I have re-wrote this answer so many times so here goes. I try my hardest not to rant at home because I don't want to annoy my family (I try my hardest not too) or be a burden on them. I don't rant in front of friends because to be honest they don't care and they won't understand. I have ranted to doctors for years with other symptoms and was treated as if I was a burden to them and that I was overreacting and I will grow out of what is wrong with me (still haven't grown out of it). I am the sort of person that keeps all of my issues in and when it finally builds up inside I explode and end up having a panic attack. I try to not get my family involved because they have other priorities and I am an adult now, my parents drop me off to my appointments if they can otherwise I am kind of on my own and writing this I prefer it that way so that I don't get it in the neck by my parents or siblings for monopolising their time. There have been some times when I wanted my parents there like when I had my implanted loop recorder fitted which was an operation whilst I was awake but I was on my own for that not through my own choice and it did saddened me seeing the other patients who were all in the 60s have their partners or grown up children there for support. There are other occasions where I have wanted at least one parent there if not both but I can't have it my way. I am ranting on here now and also in my diary but try not to do it in front of people, I would rather rant to them about politics or something else rather than me. I have a few really good friends who I know are there for me if I ever needed them like Caitlin, Beth and Dawn. I know it is a bit off of the topic but I would also like to thank Nurse Pablo and the lovely female nurse who supported me when I had my appendix removed, without them I probably would have ran away back home to get my mum, without Nurse Pablo messing about with my hospital bed (distracting me) I think I would have had a panic attack. I know I don’t always need somebody I know to be there for me, people can support you in the smallest way.

49. We may feel 50 years older than we actually are, due to the symptoms of hypothyroidism: I swear I could live in a retirement home now with how I am feeling. Every shift I have working for the café/catering I feel so sore and feel like crying with the amount of pain I have in my lower back, knees and arms.

50. We are sick and tired of feeling sick and tired: AMEN!

If you have read this blog post then thank you and sorry it was so long. I am not writing this to get peoples sympathy, I want people understand that I am going through some bits and if you want to know more just ask, come directly to me, don't ask friends or family, I am an open book and if you have any questions just ask, I have never really been willing to talk about things like this but I am trying to open up more, somethings mentioned in this blog post I haven’t told my closest friends or even my parents so if you do want to discuss this I am approachable, I may look miserable or ill but sometimes its just my resting bitch face.